I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
