got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
