I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
