census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
