so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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