Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
