I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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