I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
