she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
