My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
