I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
