You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
not ubering you a puppy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
