you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
