I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
