How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
