when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
