Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
