Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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