I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
