Just fell off a train. Bad.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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