three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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