arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
