White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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