She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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