yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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