I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish my penis had an off switch
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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