she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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