4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
