Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
