I cockslap morals
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
