He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
