dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
