I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
