you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
