"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
