Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i've created a new STD.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
