dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
