I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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