You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
