your parents love me but you hate me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
