dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
