did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
