Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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