He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
