WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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