I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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