I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
