I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
