I CAN MOONWALK!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
not ubering you a puppy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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