I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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